Learning to Be Gentle With Myself

Some days, the voice in my head is downright cruel. Today it whispered the same insult I’ve heard in the mirror more times than I care to admit. But the difference today? I had a doctor’s appointment—meaning my weight would be measured and permanently recorded in the sacred, all-knowing kingdom of my medical chart.

Since having Sleeve Surgery, I’ve felt lonelier than I expected. I opened up to my doctor about this, hoping to make sense of the feeling. Her recommendation was to find a weight-loss group or talk to family. Helpful, sure… but also very generic. The truth is, I wasn’t looking for solutions. I was simply sharing something vulnerable, letting her peek into a part of me I usually keep private. Blogging has been the first real step out of that shell, and honestly—it’s been both terrifying and freeing. But that’s a story for another day.

This morning, I actually woke up feeling light. Confident. I remembered stepping on the scale last week at my primary doctor’s office and seeing 180 lbs. I carried that joy all week.

And then today happened.

The nurse at my endocrinologist’s office weighed me at 187 lbs. Seven pounds. In one week. My brain immediately spiraled: Was it the mini Cokes? The three cup-sized meals? The french fries (which I unapologetically adore)? How could this be?

But here’s where I had to stop myself. I cannot let a number undo everything I’ve worked so hard for.

Do my clothes still fit two sizes too big? Yes.

Do I get out of bed with more ease than I have in years—moving with the grace of a gazelle instead of a groggy sloth? Yes.

Can I sit at the coloring table with my granddaughter, in those tiny little chairs, without struggling? Absolutely.

And that… that is the real answer.

So when I look in the mirror today, do I still see “fat ass”? Honestly, no. Because 180 or 187 does not define me. I define me. What I tell myself matters more than what any scale says.

I’ve come a long way—farther than those numbers can ever measure—and that’s the message I need to replay in my head.

Until next time, let’s be a little kinder to each other…and a whole lot gentler with ourselves. 💛✨